Ordering an Appletini? gay.

alcohol is something all types enjoy (except nutjob religious types that everyone avoids like the plague). thankfully, the variety of alcohol out there let's you know what type of person you are dealing with. someone asking for, "your cheapest pitcher of beer," has a job with his/her name on their shirt. someone that asks, "what microbrews do you have?" will inevitably tell you about some band you've never heard of and how they will supposedly change your life. someone that orders a fine scotch by name will refuse to look you in the eye or recognize you as a human being. and a man that orders an appletini will ask you to garnish it with a tampon and then offer to blow you in the bathroom.

NOTE! a martini is gin with a bit of vermouth or make it dirty with some olive juice. this is what real men drink, like james bond. all of these other concoctions passing themselves off as martinis are creations for people who can't handle the taste of alcohol but still want to get drunk; mainly young women and gay men. guys, the bar is not a candy store. john wayne didn't shoot buttery nipples and brett favre didn't celebrate his superbowl victory with a malibu bay breeze.