that's right kids, even heterosexual intercourse can be extremely fucking gay. for example, if i think that some girl has a slamming body which is turning me on and then you sleep with her later that night then you are a total fag, you cock blocking son-of-a-bitch. there is no forgiveness for this, even if you haven't gotten laid in years and you guys both root for the same baseball team and have seen star wars 473 times. i am a much nicer guy than you and much more talented in the art of love making so do that beautiful lady a favor and keep away, even if i already have a woman friend. you may ask, "but reggie, what if we start dating, build a strong and loving relationship and one day join in holy matrimony?" well, that shit won't happen and if it does she's probably gonna try to bang me by the dumpster at your reception but i won't do it because your my bro and i'm already getting mad play because of my awesome and hilarious best man speech in which i managed to completely embarass half of the wedding party without swearing. anywho, her and i are much more compatible and have a far better chance of a successful relationship. and i do have some decency about me, i don't care how hot your girlfriend or wife is i will honestly think of her as a sister as long as you guys had already started your relationship by the time i meet her. but i will be there to comfort her if you ever cheat on her, you no good asshole.
i'm not saying you don't need to get laid by hot chicks, just don't use me as your chump side kick to throw jokes at and make her laugh so you can score. i saw her first my ass, it is a fair game until the deal is sealed. and how dare you make up stories about me shitting myself to tell her. i can't deny them because that makes me look weak, but come on man, have some class! you know your chump ass is just gonna prematurely ejaculate and stain her nice sofa, so throw in the towel and go work on your on-line poker ranking or whatever lame shit you waste your free time doing.
ryan reynolds, you can go fuck yourself.
p.s. yes that is me in the mirror in that picture.
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