Blumpkins are gay.

for those of you who are ignorant to blumpkins, a blumpkin is when a man is felated as he defecates. for those of you who don't speak latin that means a blow job on the shitter. i was felated one time and enjoyed it so much that i have been waiting ever since for it to happen again, but i never thought the situation could be improved by introducing feces into the equation. how are you supposed to relax and enjoy the soothing sensations of good head when every muscle in your body is clenched as you strain to pass some monstrosity that was once a chilli cheese burrito? how are you supposed to keep a steady enough aim to correctly apply a 5 rope pearl necklace when diarrhea is gushing from your anus like a fucking fire hose? sure, blumpkins make great revenge but do you really want to kiss the mouth of someone who was chowing down on some cock while a stench a five alarm fire couldn't kill was filling here nostrils? the type people that actively seek blumpkins are sexual offenders, gaytards, and this guy:

remember kids, blow jobs are awesome. there is no need to include poo-poo and pee-pee with them. if anything it ruins the blissful experience of having your pole smoked. honestly, if the idea of a voluptuous woman taking you in her mouth (or the idea that anything with a vagina is willing to touch your pecker) is not enough to get you going, if you really think you have to drop a deuce to make that a tolerable experience, maybe you should try the lubed asshole of a man. and how degrading is that to the blumpkineer? she's so low that she has to entertain you while your working out the green apple splatters? why don't you just give her a benjamin afterwards and send her back to her pimp? there is a famous scene in thomas pynchon's "gravity's rainbow" in which a german general is forced to drink the piss and eat the shit of a belgian sex slave named katje. he of course gets off by this without her ever touching his weenie and it illustrates a very profound point in the course of human nature and mankind which is if you mix poo and sex you're a nazi.